Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Nerd's Quarter-Life Crisis Breeds Jealousy

Hey Listers,
So last Friday I turned 25. Twenty-five! Twenty-five years I’ve been wandering around trying to figure “it” out. And twenty-five years spent, or maybe wasted is the better word, not figuring “it” out. Okay, maybe “wasted” is a bit pessimistic. It’s probably the quarter-life crisis talking.

But seriously, birthdays split the world in two. Those who love birthdays, tell everyone they know it’s coming, buy themselves presents and bake themselves cake - and those who dread it like a funeral. But it’s not so black and white; it’s more like a peanut butter and jelly sammy. Pull apart a PB&J and on the jelly half you’ll find some peanut butter, and on the PB half you’ll find some J.

Some people dread a birthday one year, but fervently await the next. I, on the other hand, have celebrated every birthday of my life – until this one. This one was different. Every kid celebrates his 13th (teens), 16th (driving), 18th (cigarettes and porn… and voting), and 21st (drinking). After twenty-one, the 22nd through 24th are typically blurry, and then all-of-a-sudden you’re 25! Twenty-five starts the beginning of the birthdays of dismay. Twenty-five = adulthood. And with adulthood comes those scary words like marriage, children, career, mortgage, and responsibility. Then by 30 you are supposed to have those figured out and you have a new list of words to worry about. It never ends!

I realize these rationalizations are a bit extreme, but I’m in the business of hyperboles. Still, I am jealous of the teenage birthday, the first-car birthday, the cigarettes, dirty-magazine and hung-over birthdays. Of course! Who isn’t? The question is how do you turn these 5s and 0s birthdays into something to celebrate? The trick is not worrying about what you haven’t figured out yet, birthdays should be celebrations of everything you have figured out. I was surprised to see what I came up with:
· It’s okay to be a complete nerd, and especially a dork in disguise!
· Fear controls you and your actions. By conquering fear, you gain control
· The Yankees and the government just throw money at problems to make them go away
· Do what you’re good at doing
· If you’re good at something, never do it for free
· And though money may not buy you happiness, it sure helps
· Britney Spears and Tom Cruise are crazy
· NASCAR splits the world in two (this time it is black-and-white, no grey middle between the haters and the lovers)
· Jealousy breeds negativity, and negativity breeds jealousy. Stay away from both.
· Eating two Chipotle burritos with chips & salsa in one sitting is nearly impossible
· There is a fine line between passion and obsession
· Most things don’t REALLY matter, so let it slide
· Sequels always disappoint
· And… Star Wars will always be totally awesome

Lists Hidden in This Newsletter
December 5th Birthdays: Walt Disney, Art Monk and Martin Van Buren
Top 10 Xmas Gifts for a Single 20-Something Male who likes Sports, Movies and Beer... Dugh!
Top 20 Pessimistic Quotes
List of Complete Opposites
Best Sandwiches
Barrymore & Electra: Best Celebrity "Playboy" Covers
Top 20 Schools for Lots of Hard Liquor
Adult Words You Dread Growing Up and Having to Deal With
List of Hyperboles
10 Simple Ways to Save Yourself From Messing up Your Life
Geeky Pickup Lines for Nerds & Dorks
Fear of Vomiting: Top 10 Phobias in the U.S.
Top 10 "Dark Knight" Quotes
How to Win Someone Back
Worst Fast Food You Can Eat
Disappointingly Worst Sequels Ever
Only Actors in All 6 Star Wars Films

ListAfterList Updates and Reminders
Make your own “Things I’ve Figured Out” list at LAL today!

Check out my birthday newsletter from last year and see how I’ve grown! Hah!

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