#hi @friend

Some people seem to think Facebook walls and Twitter mentions are a new way to have a conversation with friends and family. But social networks are not a communication tool to replace text messaging, emails and phone calls. And it certainly isn't an instant messenger. So please stop publicly replying! If you want to say "hi" to your friend, text them. If you think the world cares about your drunken memories from last night or needs to know your plans for the party tonight, they don't. And please stop the social network Happy Birthday wishes! If you don't have their phone number to text or call them, they probably won't care if you forgot their birthday.

You might be a fanyboy if...

You might be a fanboy if...

• you stand in line longer than 10 minutes for anything but an Millenium Force or Chipotle
• you own 3 or more versions of the same thing
• you can recite it better than the actor who originally read it
• you have a tee-shirt of it
• you have the release date stored in your iCal
• you dressed as it for something other than Halloween
• you are now fat because of it

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I Don't Care What Joe Ate for Dinner and When Jessica Went to Bed

The typical argument by those few people who still haven't joined Facebook or Twitter is just that: "I don't care what Joe ate for dinner and when Jessica went to bed." And they're right! But that also just proves they're nay-sayers. Because just as there are some socially inept people on the web, as there are in real life, most people now understand that social networks are not a daily diary of your doings. We can blame Twitter for that - always asking "what are you doing?" when it should ask "what are you thinking?". But even better than that would be "what are you thinking that the world should know?". The world does not want to know that you ate a ham sandwich for lunch. And they certainly don't need to see a picture of it. But they might want to know that you had the best black forest ham and swiss on this side of the Rhine at cheap local deli named Brother's Grimm just off Main Street downtown. That is what social networking is for. That is it's purpose. And that is the reason those nay-sayers should join.

Google + Does Not Equal Twitter + Facebook

So Google+ is the next big thing in social networking. But then again, so was Google Wave, and Google Latitude, and Google Buzz. So will Google+ actually catch on? The numbers unequivocally scream YES! It only took 1 month to become the fastest social network to reach 25 million users (it took Facebook about three years to attract 25 million visitors, while Twitter took just over 30 months). So jump on the bandwagon and grab your seat, but you can probably get off at the first stop and head home to Facebook or Twitter for a few months until you'll need another ride. Because right now, it's basically marketers and men that are the power users, and until your actual friends and family arrive, it's just a place to get spammed.

Boat Names

So I promised my girlfriend (Ally Leigh Taulbee) when I buy a boat I would name it after her. Since then, I have kept a list of clever possibilities. Here is that list:

• Love ActuALLY
• ReALLY-T TV Show
• Prince Ally-baba
• Come One, Come ALT
• Control ALT Delete
• ALTerior Motors
• ALTernate Endings
• Ally Total Fitness
• Allyzander the Great
• Ally Wanna Do is a ZoomZoomZoom
• The Allybatross
• It's All Her fALT
• Right Up Your Ally
• Right Up My Ally
• Busy Bee
• Bee All You Can Bee
• TotAlly in Love
• The OK CorAlly
• Navigational BuoAlly
• Is This ReAl Life?
• Is This RyAl Life?
• Ally Oop
• Ally Ally Oxen Free
• DuAlly Noted
• DirectionAlly Challenged

Law & Order: SNU

I was recently tasked to perform a social network investigation to "find anything damaging on a few litigants in the world of cyberspace." It was an interesting opportunity that I found myself whole-heartedly interested in. But with my limited legal knowledge (watching "Law & Order: SVU") I quickly realized that I could really only advise my client on the social media aspect of the investigation.

After some initial research, combined with my previous experience on the web and social networks, I believe it would be extremely difficult to find anything of legal significance on any of these "subjects" online. Here's why:

There are currently over 750 million registered users on Facebook. And more than 200 million on Twitter. And on each of those there are multiple people with the same user-defined name. Even if you know the current location of each person of interest, it still only narrows the field to a user-defined list of people in or around the area. There are some lat/long GPS check-in social networks, but they are far less popular. Foursquare has 10 million registered users.

Then if you actually find the correct person, it would be very rare that you find anything of substance to use in a legal case of this matter (i.e. someone tweeting: "I am stealing a bunch of money from my doctor LOL"). Occasionally, with some criminal lawsuits (i.e. the recent riots and looting in London) people are dumb enough to post something that could be used as evidence in a court of law (i.e. looters in London posting pictures of what they stole). But in these cases the best you might do is find a person to be greedy (i.e. "just bought a new Porsche I can't afford"), with poor ethical standards ("bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"), or maybe, if you are lucky, admitting to use of drugs ("I am so stoned right now"). Only a complete moron would tweet, post, or check-in to a place and state that they are doing something illegal - but then again there were those London looters?

iPhone 6

I know, the iPhone 5 hasn't even been announced yet - but I already can't wait for the iPhone 6. History tells us the 5 won't likely be anything spectacular. Apple is known for their annual product release cycles, but traditionally it's every two years the hardware is truly updated. Every other year it is just a recycle of the previous product. And I am betting by the time the iPhone 6 comes out in the summer of 2012, it will:

• replace your wallet and credit card
• replace your GPS
• replace your PSP or Nintendo DS
• replace your e-reader
• replace your standalone iPod
• replace your house key
• replace your car key
• and likely, between it and your iPad 3, replace your laptop.

Fourteen Rules for Nut Ridgers

The Pratt family has spent every summer of their lives for 4 generations and 70-some consecutive years at our cottages on the Finger Lakes in upstate New York. These two cottages - one red, one white - are purely summer homes for entertainment and relaxation. But there are some rules:

1. Never call it a mosquito bite.
2. Beer cans only.
3. Wetsuits permitted only if water temp + air temp < 120 degrees
4. All putts break towards the lake.
5. No Mets fans.
6. It's always Happy Hour.
7. If it's yellow let it mellow.
8. No sleeping in the Indian Cave.
9. Never admit that it rained.
10. Always tie two half hitches.
11. Bathe in the lake.
12. Never bid 5 unless your opponents bid 4.
13. Lift the yellow raft by the bottom ring.
14. Only cook over a driftwood fire.

Voluntarily breaking these rules will result in an immediate revoking of the Nut Ridger title and permanently temporary ban from having fun.

Nine Facts about Nut Ridge

Nut Ridge is a small community on Cayuga Lake in upstate New York. My family has had two cottages there for four generations.  Over those 70-some years, nine facts have always rung true:

1. There are no mosquitos.
2. The water was always warmer last week.
3. 2 bid = 3 trump and no bower.
4. It never rains.
5. It will blow off the dock and into the water.
6. Voices carry farther than you think.
7. Wind out of the north blows for 3 days.
8. Everything tastes better over a driftwood fire.
9. There's never been a more beautiful sunset.

There is no debating this. It is the word of Pratt.

Nut Ridge Six-Handed Bid Euchre

Nut Ridge Six-Handed Bid Euchre was invented by my grandparents in the 40s or 50s in the village of Nut Ridge on the east shore of Cayuga Lake in upstate New York. They devised the game to solve the problem of having too many euchre players at weekend gatherings. According to all who have tried it, Nut Ridge Six-Handed Bid Euchre will make you forget all about it's bland four-handed cousin. The following description assumes you know how to play four-handed. Six handed is not the place to learn euchre, although four experienced six-handed players can have a decent game with two "never-evers" who don't know a bower from a beer nut.

Two teams of three each are seated alternately around a table. Teams start at 21 points and try to get to zero. Teams that successfully take the number of tricks they bid have that number subtracted from their score. Tricks taken in excess of the bid are not counted. A "loner" (playing it "alone") counts 10. If you are unsuccessful in making your bid, your score goes up by the number you bid and your opponents' comes down by that same amount. Euchres are painful, but then, so is under-bidding.

The deck consists of 32 cards - seven through ace. Cards are dealt in groups of three and two so that each player gets five cards. There is a two card kitty, which goes to the person who wins the bid. Bidding proceeds clockwise around the table one time. Each bid must be higher than the preceding. All suits are of equal value. Of course anyone can pass. After discarding the two unwanted cards from the kitty, the bidder leads the first card - almost always a trump.

Bids:
One bid = You have the right bower, little else.
Two bid = You have three trump, but no bower.
Higher bids (3,4, 5 and "alone") = You should have more than a one or two bid unless you're building on a partner's bid ... or you're a certified Nut Ridge lunatic like Betty Jeanne Pratt or the Pafesser. In general, you're bidding the number of tricks you think you and your partners can take. An example of a three bid is a bower and two other trump. A four bid might be a bower, two trump and an outside ace. If you yourself have enough to take five tricks, you should play it "alone", since you get ten points instead of five. Five bids are normally attempted when you are building on a partner AND your opponents have bid four. This is because five bids are hard to make unless you have a real powerhouse yourself , and in that case, you should be playing "alone".

Finer Points of the Game:

• It's OK to cheat fair.
• When one of your partners makes a mistake, even a small one, you should be as vicious as possible in pointing out the screw up. This will not only make them better euchre players but better prepared for life.
• The bidding "rules" are generally just guidelines that are often broken for poor reasons.