Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Many Stages of Britney Spears

She's a woman of many facets, transitioning from a sweet young girl to a suicidal skin head and everything in between. Think we need another step? Add it!

1. Mickey Mouse Club Britney- A young Britney first steps into the spotlight on "The Mickey Mouse Club" alongside a slew of other would-be stars. How sweet.
2. Sexy Schoolgirl Britney- A 17 year old Britney kicks off her musical career with her innocent-yet-not-quite-innocent look and attitude. See Rolling Stone cover et al.
3. Incredibly Ripped & Oversexed Britney- Comes into her own, and into the gym. She's not. that. innocent!
4. Rebellious Britney- The beginning of the downfall. Still a nice physique, but she starts smoking cigarettes and wearing trucker hats, likely as a result of dating K-Fed.
5. Pregnant Britney- A bun in the oven! and then another bun!
6. White Trash Britney- Dyeing her hair from black to blonde every other day, wearing clothes from Wal-Mart, making love to In-N-Out Burger.
7. Dangerous Bald Britney- She shaves her head, ends up in rehab several times, tries to commit suicide. Attacks a paparazzi's car with an umbrella. This is very bad - but great publicity.
8. Borderline Big Comeback Britney?- She seems to have gotten most of her body back and doing small shows. Who knows what's in store?
9. VMA Britney - A lip-syncing, chubby, rhythmless glimpse of her old self.
10. Anti-Court-Appearance Britney - Time and time again she fails to show up for her appointed court dates over the dispute of her children's guardianship.
11. Partying Aunt Britney - Her little, 16-year-old sister is pregnant, and she hears the news first from TMZ reporters spotting her outside of clubs and late-night shopping sprees.
12. Crazy Laughing Gurney Britney - Spears reportedly took over 100 pills during a massive 36-hour drugs binge last week, before being wheeled out of her home on a gurney (laughing hysterically) on her way to being hospitalized for a mental evaluation.

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